This Girl Can

I try to ignore a lot of the links that pop up on my Facebook feed (except clickbait Buzzfeed quizzes — why do I feel like 10 questions will tell me anything? Another topic for another day), but I kept seeing people sharing the video I linked to here (Sorry, WordPress isn’t liking me this morning, and I can’t figure out how to embed it.) I couldn’t be happier that I took the 90 seconds out of my day to watch it. Go on, you do it, too.

From what I’ve read, SportEngland started ThisGirlCan to motivate women of all shapes, sizes, and fitness levels, to add some activity to their lives. It’s intimidating when you look at “fitspiration” (vomit on that word) photos of size two models, sweating prettily, and maybe start thinking that’s what all women in the gym look like. Not me. I’m red faced, sweaty, and my workout clothes only match because everything goes with black pants. SportEngland is trying to encourage women in to be fit, not  just thin — a message that I couldn’t agree with more. The Independent summed it up well: “Because instead of thinness, keeping fit should be about health, endorphins, fun. It should be about friendship and teambuilding, and for the love of one’s own body. Nothing should ever be about how to simply achieve a narrow beauty standard.”

In my opinion, this is absolutely awesome, and it was exactly what I needed to get my head out of my ass. I’ve been feeling bleh recently — tired, cranky, stiff — and while part of that is certainly attributable to work stress and winter (god, when will it be warm again?!), I think a big part of it is that I’m not nearly as active as I once was. Yes, I’m walking a ton (like 16-17,000 steps a day, ton), but I don’t think I’ve really pushed myself hard in a workout in…months?

I never thought I’d be a person that loved working out, but I became a person that loved working out as I started my journey to be healthier. It was slow and steady, but I made a ton of progress. I may not have ever been the fittest or the strongest in the room, but I could do everything a teacher asked or a workout pin specified — and now, I don’t feel that way. I’ve lost my mojo. I get intimidated by going into the apartment gym, I don’t like to wake up early to work out (and I used to do that 3-4 times a week), I don’t go after work. I don’t really like this version of myself, if I’m completely honest.

I think what’s the most infuriating thing is that I don’t have any confidence in myself to do much anymore, fitness or health-wise (something that is entirely my fault).* I don’t know how to get it back, but I’m going to try. I have this race next month (and a 10-mile run to Arlington on the agenda for tomorrow — eek!), but I need more than that. I want to make working out a regular part of my routine again. I signed up for ClassPass (like everyone else in the metro DC area), I pulled out my gym bag to pack it for work, and I bought the Believe training journal — because if everything else fails, I need to believe in myself that I can do this stuff again. I already did it once.

Sorry, this was really some self-indulgent rambling (it is a blog, though, so I guess that’s fair game?), but I was surprised at how much my thoughts have been coming back to this since I watched it last night. I may have to start adding a daily viewing, at least until I get my groove back. Remind myself that it’s not supposed to be easy, but that I can do it — with a little bit of hard work, and a hell of a lot of sweat.

*Edited to add, Cassie at Back to her Roots (one of my favorite blogs) wrote a wonderful post touching on this today. To be fair, she’s postpartum, which is something I can’t relate to — and I’m just unmotivated. Similarly, Gretchen at Gretchen In Between — yep, another fave — posted about “feeling off.”

Maybe there is something going around?

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